My body used to be governed by judgment.
Others would cast this like a dark sheet over me
And it was so heavy that I could not move.
They tried to poke and **** and squeeze me
Into the unattainable mold of society.

My mind used to be governed by fear.
I could never truly feel safe
And this led to PTSD
Which had symptoms like sleepless nights
And hell bound days.
I never trusted anyone either
As that had never done me any good in the past.

My heart used to be governed by dependency.
I never kept a guard up
And getting hurt became to norm.
The need for acceptance became blaring in my head
Like a horn that would not quit.
I became the definition
Of looking for love in all the wrong places.

My soul used to be governed by guilt.
I thought that no one would ever want me
If they knew about the soot and pollution that lies within.
I still question the ideas of Heaven and Hell sometimes
But either way,
I now know there is a place for me.

My entirety used to be governed by you
Thinking about how you treated me when I was seven years old
The heinous things you did to me
And how nine years later
He assaulted me, too.
The two of you have made my life a nightmare
And I do not understand
How I allowed it to consume my young life
Until I was beyond the point of broken.

But that will never happen again
Because I am the governor of my life now.