I went to our special spot today
With a cigarette and a pen
It was still breathtaking.

For the first time in years
I felt small.
You see,
Since I was a child
I have always been overweight.
It used to consume me
It was all I could notice when I looked at myself

Since I was nine
I stashed food and binged
While at thirteen I started purging
As an effort to control my apparent largeness.
Here, I am surrounded by cliffs, rocks and trees
That tower over me
Finally, I am the smallest one in the room
And yet I feel on top of the world.

I am sad to report this place is changing
The stream we used to splash in
Has dried up.
The log where we used to sit
On which you educated me about ***, boys and family
As well as everything in between
Is rotten and soggy.

I am not fond of such changes
Because we both changed too.
You could not shake a ****** addiction
And it eventually took you home.

I, myself, battle
Mental illness and recovery from self-inflicted abuses
That, after one particular incident,
Almost sent me to heaven, too

One more thing before I let you go
I'm sure you're busy, but I wanted you to know
That the cigarette still remains unlit
In my sweatshirt pocket
Not because I forgot a lighter
(Although I did)
But mostly because this overbearing forest
Is my only sacred memory of you
And I could never allow that to
Go up in smoke.