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Oct 2014
I don't know what's going on anymore.
I don't know how to feel.
Am I allowed to feel?
(I don't know that either)
Life's full of 'I don't knows' right now.
I'm a shell.
I've been floating around-but I'm not here.
Not really
I'm just a ghost-
Travelling endlessly
The shift to this strange kind of existence was not an evident one.
One day things were fine,
(Things were never fine)
And then this shift-this shift that changed everything.
This is a lonely kind of existence- having no one.
A dangerous existence.
Maybe I should blame myself-
(It is my fault, right?)
So many questions-
So few answers.
But why does it matter?
I have no one else to hurt.
(But everyone hurts me)
Am I playing the victim?
I just turned the page in my journal.
(I hate turning pages)
That speaks volumes.
I look in the mirror and I can tell that I'm dead.
(Can the others tell?)
I want people to love me-
I want someone to care-
But it's frightening.
I need someone to help me.
(Will you help me?)
I sit in class and I can't feel anything.
I feel everything and nothing at once.
(I sit in class and burst into tears)
To anyone who wants to enter my life:
I'm sorry.
(I'm sorry, but I need you)
Maybe this is clockwork..
(But not clockwise- dear God don't let this be clockwise)
I'm too loud.
I'm too quiet.
I'm not good enough.
(Life is blindness)
I have no family.
(Anna-come back-I need you)
((I need someone, anyone?))
My life is full of 'I don't knows' and 'Maybe's' right now.
I just turned the page again...
I'm writing too big.
I'm not making sense.
I turned the page.
Maybe I should stop writing.
Maybe I should sleep
Maybe I should end th-
Written by
   Riley Defluo
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