I'm chasing what kills me

Last night I broke two promises
One I've kept for almost two years
And one I've kept since last january
I said I'd never cut to die again
I said I'd never see bone
But I didn't know cutting myself off
From feeding myself substances
Would make me crave my blood
And I don't know how Ill cope
With out my dope
I said I was going to get clean
And I didn't want to break that promise after just two days
You said its bad
But you've only seen the tip of the iceberg
I'm trying to play this off so you don't get stuck in this sticky web of addiction
I wear long sleeves so you don't see where the needle went in
I can't give you my money with out wiping off white powder
I'm trying to cope
But its so **** hard without my dope
I can already feel withdrawal
My body shakes
I scream out trying to not let my body collapse
Its new sorts of agony
I wish
I hadn't found this pain
I wish this hadn't become my life
I've been clean for not a whole day
I don't know that I can stay
This way
To cope
With out my dope
I have to break old promises
But I don't know what
I will become
When you ask me to keep blood
In my viens
Because other promises might
   have
     to
        be
           broken