Gun metal and asbestos The tundra of your father’s eyes His heart left in London after the war Stubborn, your mother clung to the lie Hide the shameful sight Your hands left over right Roll a crochet ****** under your blanket Picture perfect mask the missing Digits and appendages “That child’s not mine…Ma” Shoulda put ya in a home
Whispered sins and indiscretions You slept with your sister in silent rooms Peed in a porcelain *** Defiant, Old Nellie in her witch gray wool She won’t latch the outhouse again Keep that abomination strapped to your thigh Crossed and awake at night You came out swinging when he touched you "Shoulda put ya in a home…."
Pick the rock salt from your hide And never cry Secrets sting more than saline bullets You bared those knees in a hand made dress And fled…newly wed Birthed that ten toed baby girl Relegated yourself to the drain of domesticity Brownstones and picket fences When did you cast the first thread Spiderwebs and pyrite Whispered sins and indiscretions Broken dishes… Broken bones… Broken vows… You lied so much better than you lived
That crave for validation in your fathers’ eyes Drift away over his open grave You played Taps in the shadows One last time I was an open wound in a house of pain You couldn’t love your child And swallow the shame That little redhead down the street Baby boy you couldn’t give Fed your shattered ego with fear In my eyes Notch your bedpost with ticks for lovers and fools Man eater never sated **** point met….She’s not your daughter You left him in an empty room Payback is a jade eyed snake coiled up in your marriage bed
That High school Knight Greasy hands and milk toast breath You fled again Tell me you’re happy When he’s gone from dawn to dusk Catching crappies* and suckin Pabst in a can While you pickle yourself with cheap ***** And soap operas Buried your crazy mother, your Witch of a sister And the **** you married first…. No ripples of remorse In the cement of your soul
We only speak across miles Unreconciled You will never apologize Little dreams strangled Wet ******* around my neck Soap in my mouth Welts and belts, Wire brushes and hangers Fitting discipline Can’t leave my own alone with you Drown your grandchild in the toilet bowl Rather than ask for the truth From a terrified child Who had only begun to adore you Now I can’t love his scars away The truth is bitter, cold and lonely Love cannot grow in a heart of stone Chiseled bitter by the sins of a mother A father and another You never had a chance to be Complete…. 02/24/10 For Barbara.... *crappies are a pan fish.
My mom was born with congenital birth defects including a missing finger on her right hand, a missing limb below her right knee and no toes on her left foot. Her father swore she was not his child for several years. Her family was dysfunctional and she married into another dysfunctional family. When she finally divorced my dad to marry a high school sweetheart, she told my dad he was not my father. I know specifics weren't required but I felt they were necessary to understand the context of the poem.