every time I see you my heart falls to the floor and I get a rush of energy but after I think of you I'm drained. I'm so emotionally exhausted and all I want to do is cry. I want to **** you and kiss you at the same time and i ******* hate myself for it. I wonder what it would be like to kiss you again. just one more time. would it feel foreign? or would it be just the same. the same two lips that kissed me while I was crying and kissed me when I was quiet but more so when I was laughing. would I be able to taste that smile like I used to? would your hands pull me closer? would your arms lock me in place because my knees are far too weak to hold me up? I can't say that I want you, because God knows I don't. but I'd like to remember how you feel against me for just a minute. how it feels to be loved, or at least what I mistook for love. I don't know what love is. I don't think I ever have. Love is not crying at 3 am because you're terrified of what comes when you wake up the next day. Love is not a handful of pills just to stop the hurt. Love is not her kiss. Love is not what you made me think it was. Love is not reaching over to find your no longer there. Love is not taking. Love is not Lust.