Oct 2014
I have never been myself as much as I was during those six little days in your company. I let myself become a tornado and hoped to God you wouldn't be swept away by the wind I created in my quake.
2. Building a castle and realizing I am not two hands creating a masterpiece but four, and this beast we built makes me smile so much I fear I will never be able to frown again.
3. Running into the sea because you were already there and having this insane craving to pull you under, as if hiding you away from the earth and inside the sea's body would make me forget I am not the only one allowed to have you.
4. Putting a little wood onto the fireplace and realizing you are already here with logs and determination to make this burn. I still wish, sometimes, that the will you had to build a fire were as strong as your will to keep me around, but I was only a wind of change you blew in the fire for the flame to feed onto. I was just a tool to keep your warm.
5. The gentle hand tugging the blanket further down to cover the little hole by which all the cold air sneaked in to freeze my feet was the moment. I read the same sentence fourteen times because I would not look at you but then I caved and realized you had just opened a door that was supposed to be locked and walked straight into my heart.
6. We played 21 questions while hovering in a tiny boat on the sea's edges and I had the urge to make you drop your paddle and throw mine on the other end of the universe so we would be stuck on this piece of paradise forever.
7. If heaven is a place on earth it would be with you, on that canoe, at that precise moment in time.
8. I can never go back to heaven without letting hell burn me to ashes everytime the thought of you crosses my mind.
9. I burn everyday at least a hundred times.
10. Mastering the art of pretense has never been as difficult as it is now that I have to smile when you hold her and talk as if the universe has not stopped turning on its axis. How can you not see we are cosmic collision seconds apart from creating a whole new galaxy but time has stopped and I wish I could reach for your pinkie like I did 53 days ago but time is not having it.
11. Time has become my worst enemy.
12. I count the seconds I spent without you and the minutes I held you, I count the hours I could have looked at you instead of sleeping and days are longer than years in this world where you do not exist. I wait and wait and wait for the day I will wake up and finally be able to close the door you forgot to shut on your way out.
13. If love is an open door I will build a tower without any doors to lock my heart in and let it rot in loneliness because the pain of being abandoned is worse than the pain of not being alive.
14. My door is still open and if I have learned anything at all it is that no matter the hurt there comes a time when all is forgiven and the only words that will pass my aching lips will be the sound of my voice saying "Thank you, for stopping by".
2. Building a castle and realizing I am not two hands creating a masterpiece but four, and this beast we built makes me smile so much I fear I will never be able to frown again.
3. Running into the sea because you were already there and having this insane craving to pull you under, as if hiding you away from the earth and inside the sea's body would make me forget I am not the only one allowed to have you.
4. Putting a little wood onto the fireplace and realizing you are already here with logs and determination to make this burn. I still wish, sometimes, that the will you had to build a fire were as strong as your will to keep me around, but I was only a wind of change you blew in the fire for the flame to feed onto. I was just a tool to keep your warm.
5. The gentle hand tugging the blanket further down to cover the little hole by which all the cold air sneaked in to freeze my feet was the moment. I read the same sentence fourteen times because I would not look at you but then I caved and realized you had just opened a door that was supposed to be locked and walked straight into my heart.
6. We played 21 questions while hovering in a tiny boat on the sea's edges and I had the urge to make you drop your paddle and throw mine on the other end of the universe so we would be stuck on this piece of paradise forever.
7. If heaven is a place on earth it would be with you, on that canoe, at that precise moment in time.
8. I can never go back to heaven without letting hell burn me to ashes everytime the thought of you crosses my mind.
9. I burn everyday at least a hundred times.
10. Mastering the art of pretense has never been as difficult as it is now that I have to smile when you hold her and talk as if the universe has not stopped turning on its axis. How can you not see we are cosmic collision seconds apart from creating a whole new galaxy but time has stopped and I wish I could reach for your pinkie like I did 53 days ago but time is not having it.
11. Time has become my worst enemy.
12. I count the seconds I spent without you and the minutes I held you, I count the hours I could have looked at you instead of sleeping and days are longer than years in this world where you do not exist. I wait and wait and wait for the day I will wake up and finally be able to close the door you forgot to shut on your way out.
13. If love is an open door I will build a tower without any doors to lock my heart in and let it rot in loneliness because the pain of being abandoned is worse than the pain of not being alive.
14. My door is still open and if I have learned anything at all it is that no matter the hurt there comes a time when all is forgiven and the only words that will pass my aching lips will be the sound of my voice saying "Thank you, for stopping by".
