Part I

Those car rides with you on Saturdays
were all I really remember of my youth with you.
There was little talking done because it was understood;

You had me when you weren't ready,
but you couldn't hide from me.
You knew everything I couldn't see.

I chewed on my big chew and watched you.
I had a father on this day.
You weren't a black snake wandering and squirming away.

Years later you apologized for what you didn't understand.
Vampires ****** my compassion out of me long ago.
I said It was okay when I should have yelled no.

No more.
No more.
Go! Go! Go!

Part II

Now I always call you in my mind
if I'm not hiding behind blue walls.
The words are always hidden behind black shawls.

I have pieces of you in me
and I don't mean the physical traits.
I know I have your hate.

Men with less of them stayed
for their little runts.
At least your denial was perfectly blunt.

At this age the cycle is complete.
I'm here and I will never understand
why you never stayed to be a DAD.