i didn't know how to tell you. i felt you slipping away the moment i took a sip of something fierce, burning my insides like a poison i could not tame, a wildfire of false hope and future promises. i tried to wrap you up in something comfortable, something familiar so that this all could be easier for the both of us. because that's all i ever focused on: y o u a n d m e as one entity. the second i made my claim i knew that this was going to be something that neither of us would be able to handle. i always become too sure of myself, and you too loving. i wanted to warn you ahead of time, i am not easy. i am not easy. the divide between us will surely end in a gaping hole, a hole you try to pass gingerly but fall into anyway. a slip of the foot, like a slip of the tongue will always cost you more. i think you're a beautiful person, but if i wanted to choose a person by their soul i don't know if you would be my first choice. i don't know if you bear the pain the way that i bear mine. fruitful and full, overwhelming and screaming. i look at her with the blonde ***** strands and bony shoulders, slender fingertips that smear paint and write obscenities, she could sing me to sleep. you always tried but your voice, out of tune and trying, never reached my dreams.