i didn't know how to tell you.
i felt you slipping away the moment
i took a sip of something fierce,
burning my insides like a poison
i could not tame,
a wildfire of false hope and future promises.
i tried to wrap you up in something comfortable,
something familiar so that this all could be
easier for the both of us.
because that's all i ever focused on:
y o u a n d m e as one entity.
the second i made my claim i knew
that this was going to be something that
neither of us would be able to handle.
i always become too sure of myself,
and you too loving.
i wanted to warn you ahead of time,
i am not easy.
i     am     not     easy.
the divide between us will surely
end in a gaping hole,
a hole you try to pass gingerly
but fall into anyway.
a slip of the foot,
like a slip of the tongue
will always cost you more.
i think you're a beautiful person,
but if i wanted to choose a person by
their soul i don't know if you
would be my first choice.
i don't know if you bear the pain
the way that i bear mine.
fruitful and full,
overwhelming and screaming.
i look at her with the blonde *****
strands and bony shoulders,
slender fingertips that smear paint
and write obscenities,
she could sing me to sleep.
you always tried but your voice,
out of tune and trying,
never reached my dreams.