whether it's 57 or 47 i don't know because i got sidetracked and i guess that's good because for the first time in a long time i was able to be sidetracked from the idea of you
this summer was a necessity for me, not a want because i needed to get away from here and from all of those memories of every time i did something wrong and ******* up and although it hurt being in the same place twice for a total of seven hours it wasnt as bad as i thought
youre just a memory now and accepting that is no longer like drinking a teaspoon full of bitter medicine making me want to throw it up just to keep you as alive as i could
i held on to you like you were some kind of lifeboat but you arent and never were and never will be and now you want to float your way back into my life but i learned how to swim in the salty water of the black sea summers ago and i was reminded once again that im too good for your drowning savior
this is my 57th and last poem to you, because i realized that resigning writing about you is resigning the memory of you and it's finally time for that
no more thinking about the carpet burns on my hands and the stream of tears that would pour waterfalls onto my cheeks to ruin my makeup
no more looking back at the story i wrote just so i wouldnt forget the experience and no more wishing it had happened differently
no more walking down the hallway with a shallow hole in my chest where your bullet ripped right through it and no more looking like the walking dead because of you ((i can still look like it for old reasons though))
and it makes me sad that i never really realized all of this until after June, until after an unforgettable experience with my loved ones but thats what did it for me
the melody of the mountains and the songs the summer sang in perfect harmony
and i realized in the end of july, when i was in a car without makeup, with work clothes, my hair blowing in the wind of the rolled down windows of a old car, it was when i looked at the window mirror then, that i was smiling

i was smiling

its been over two months since ive cried about you and i plan to keep it that way, and so i wanted to say i bid you adieu

it was nice while it lasted but kids grow up like grass when you give them soil and emotions recover from withering once you give them water

and i? well, i finally decided to drink the water.