being warmed by empty coffee mugs at 3 in the morning
trying to decide whether to give up or go to sleep
the blood rushes throught my veins
as I silently pray for you to choose the second option

at 4 in the morning I'm wandering around the backyard
holding a coffee cup filled with red wine.
God only knows how much I curse the day I met you
I curse you hazel eyes and the way you danced barefeet in the moonlight.
I curse the lovers that went wrong and I hope they forever regret
not holding you closer while they owned your soul
and I'll take that curse as a bridge to curse myself for being one of them.

I could never ask for a second chance to look at you
but you deserve love in rawest kind of way
I could never give you anything compared to that
so may the scars your arms never serve as a keep your distance or
a danger sign
and may you find someone whose loving kisses will heal you better than time.

I don't want you to see this as an open letter or an apology
I still haven't found a way to apologize about things I couldn't control
without letting a poisonous lie burn my lips.

you were never one to read
I hope you just scan your eyes over this
but if you take your time to read  more than three words
I hope you understand that I never meant to hurt you
I hope you realise that I never asked for your love
because I would prefer to hear you whispering how much you hated me instead of reading pretty little words without meaning.

I don't wish you well
but I hope you don't think about me as much as I think about you
I would hate to have my name carved on every inch of your skin

I hope you don't remember my voice
playing old scratched records might make your ears bleed.

during some periods of the day you seem to still be here
and in those moments part of me is trying hard not to fall in love with the memory of a person I should forget


oh dear
may you never find yourself in the eyes of a stranger
may those cold September nights never carve another mark your thighs
may God allow you to urderstand that he made you whole.
may you never let ***** hands touch your heart or soul
may you find both roses and thorns
and may you learn that getting hurt is an important part of life.
may you laugh at the good times and forget about the nights you cried yourself to sleep

may you break
may you fall
may our paths cross
over and over again.