I found that, in the midst of my panic, I only saw one person who would be capable of reassuring me only one person with whom I would trust my knowledge and passing into the great beyond only he would make sense of it and guide me into that journey for I knew and I assumed that he and only he knew where I was going.
the amount of trust I have for Mr. R is unbelievable. This bizarre notion struck up out of nowhere- that I well and truly believed that everyone else was just lost in the cosmos and he had somehow found the secret and since I was about to die I needed to ask him what it was so that I could die peacefully.