Living life without you,
Not so bright.

If I think too much, slow down, allow myself to think about the absence,
.
I can't do it.

So I work til I sleep. I watch Netflix to the point of oblivion to everything around me.

You would not be proud.
.
There is no joy.
No beauty.

I am what I hate. I am nothing like you.
I want to be better I want to change but there's nothing left. it seems all the happiness you took with you is impossible to replace you took with you all my joy my dream my words my friends nobody can understand nobody can helpI'm doing something just so you know taking a yoga class try to make friends but in the quiet I know you're not there when I stop running working sleeping watching I know how much I've lost and how little I have left and you are the only one person I could have talked to you about it you could have helped me by just existing I don't have you and I don't have anyone this is so debilitatingbeing alone this is such a whiney whiney rants so selfish and pointless because no matter how many words no matter how much I try to think and process and feel it doesn't f** matter because you still won't be here and sometimes I don't think I can make it through but ultimately I have to because you doing what you did made it so painfully obvious that we are responsible for each others happiness responsible to each other to stay alive just one can set off the chain and I won t be that one.