there is too much pounding
aching sadness in my heart
i cannot cry
i cannot stand or speak
i am woven by suffocating
chains restricting my heart from
being able to shine the way
a now dead counselor
told me I was special for
unique
Deb told me to never let my mother
or anyone
ever
try and ***** out my flaming passion for life
she didn’t realize i’ve been the
ashes in my own coffee cup
since first grade, when I didn’t even drink coffee
and again in 9th when I drank a cup every day
and again in 10th when I drank two cups every day
yet still spent every day in bed
but this isn’t about the **** i’ve been through
it’s too complicated and heavy i’ll throw up my klonopin
this is about sadness and the way it incapacitates me
the way I let sadness control me without lifting a finger
by simply being myself
which is the exact thing I’ve always been proud of
which is the exact thing I’ve always been ashamed of
I’m too confused and sad and tired
there is too much pounding
aching sadness in my heart