it's late and it's dark and even this old bottle of jack daniels is missing you again i can still taste the rain from the day you walked away and never came back and the gray clouds kidnapped the rays of light from your eyes so that the world was colder and darker and emptier than it ever should have been and the sun just keeps setting every night but forgetting to come back up in the morning
my hands bleed whiskey and nicotine and my dyed fingernails just can't seem to dig any deeper but i keep trying to claw out the part of me that chased you away even though it's still beating in my chest
were you afraid you'd love me back?
you promised me always, did you lose sight of forever or just get swept up in lust?
he could touch you in ways i never knew how, but i swore to love you better than he ever could and i forgive you for all the tears and all the scars and all the hangovers that made me wish i'd never woken back up into this bleak world where nobody matters to anybody and life is just a game with only one winner
i broke down in third period on the first day of school when the teacher asked 'whats your favorite thing to write?' and i scribbled your name into the 'other' column because heartbreak and suicide and adolescent alcoholism weren't listed as options
you used to be my friday nights and my saturday mornings and just your voice put my mind and body back in sync when the world was just too loud and busy to handle and your eyes lifted me higher than this cheap ******* ever did and when you looked at me i had an answer to every question i'd ever asked because the only thing in the world that mattered was that moment of forever where you made time itself meaningless
it feels like a lifetime ago when the entire solar system revolved around you and even Sirius was weak in comparison to the the way your eyes lit up when you laughed but now the earth doesn't orbit and the stars have all burned out and the night sky is as dark and empty as my heart
there was a time where you were bigger than the universe in my eyes, but now it's just me and these strands of smoke sewn into my clothes and this harsh bite from jack tickling the back of my throat
..but at least that empty bottle never gave up on me