They never knew what happened to me when I was a child. They never bothered to check or even ask why I kept so quiet all the time. They never knew what he used to do to me when they weren't around. My precious tiny body, my innocence stripped away by own cousin, who always made the world his play ground. A devil, my nightmare in disguise whose favourite times with me were always at night where everyone had gone to bed and he would sneak up to my bed and do as he pleased with me as he kept telling me that everything would be alright and that this was his way of showing how much he loved me. How could I have listened to him? Believed all his lies as he told me that "this is to be kept a secret between the two of us". What did I know? For I was a little child whose world was filled with childish thoughts and silly fairy tale dreams that meant nothing. How did those dreams become my fear so quick? How can one forceful kiss or painful touch give me endless nightmares? Look at me today, look at this young woman that I have become today, still living in that fear because of my childhood. I've become such an insecure being, still questioning and trying to understand why my cousin did what he did to me. Worst of all how could they not see it? See what was happening in front of their eyes. Did they not love me enough? Did they? Even after attending so many counselling sessions why do I still feel out of place? I feel like I'm lacking something that could have made me proud to call myself beautiful or special. Almighty father forgive me for taking so long to forgive him, forgive everything his done to me, forgive him for not asking me for my apology, forgive me for finding it hard to forgive.