And once again
I find myself holding onto your last words
As if it's a rope
If I let go
I plummet to the ground
My heart and soul would splatter all over the windows
I looked through them as if I was I looking at you
I pray that God took you in and gave you a home
The home that you searched for
The home that we talked about
The home that would welcome and accept you
The home that you would one day let me into
I tell myself that if I just close my eyes every night
One night will come when I do not open them
Which is why I still choose to go to sleep
Two months has passed and it doesn't even feel like a week
How am I supposed to live the rest of my life
I walk around this house wishing you were here to make it a home
These stairs creak as if they are missing pieces of their being
I creak inside because I'm missing pieces of my being
The pieces that had your name on them
The pieces that I wrapped up and specially gave to you
The pieces that held me together
The pieces that are no longer there
Ah man what am I even doing?
What am I even saying?
My heart and my brain are on opposite sides of the spectrum
My heart holds onto you like my last living breath
My brain pushes you away like you were never really mine
But you're dead
And I can't say that out loud
It pierces my ears and makes my bones shake
I want to say it out loud
If I do then it all becomes real
If I do then I know I will finally believe it
I just can't say it
That would mean giving up on you