there is a girl in your bed,
her jewelry tossed to the nightstand
because you were careless in the dark
ankles peeking out from the sheets,
hair splayed out like a painting, wild and frozen in the moment
of some unknown dream,

and you want it not to matter,
you said that it was simple, that it was just
*******

when you pressed your hand flat against her back and
rammed your teeth together in overeager kisses
and grinned in lazy triumph
when she sighed in your mouth,
you said,
“don’t worry, this doesn’t mean a thing”

you collected phrases to armor
the cavity in your chest
“it’s just ***”
“nothing to talk about”
“i don’t feel anything”

but she stayed the night,
pale light from the window is tracing where you’ve kissed;
her bony shoulders, the freckles that collar her throat,
the purple-red bruise you left just below her right ear
now blossoming so much more beautiful
than the alcohol and the night would ever
let you dream up

there is a girl in your bed
and you ache with how it matters.