I know exactly
when my love for you
took flight

The precise moment
my heart skipped a beat
before it fell.

I know exactly
when the green-eyed monster
turned a 'harmless' crush
into feelings I thought  long buried.

The precise moment
I came face to face
with the feelings
that I'd been trying so hard
to ignore.

I awoke
this morning,
wrapped up in the clean
white linen
of a hotel bedroom.

Later,
I ate breakfast alone
at a table by the window,
staring silently
at the rolling waves.

No need for a newspaper
or small talk.
Just me
with my thoughts,
looking at the sea.

Lost
in a private
conversation.

I see
other people's smiles,

and they sometimes
remind me of you

Or black hair
peppered with grey,

and scarves
in stripey patterns.

I remember
when you said
that you loved my' love handles',
which is why they now must go.

Trying
in vain
to rid myself of every reminder of you,
so I can start to forget
and move on
to my next mistake.

Rain
on the window
and another prayer
on the wind...

please
send me
someone to love.

Looking
through the glass
at a clear, starless sky
thinking of all those I have loved...

and the miles I've travelled
longing for just one of them
to love me back.

I'm falling backwards
again,
with no arms
to catch me.

Another
painful memory
that I have to learn to live with.

Why is it
that we rarely remember
the exact time when love starts,
but recall every detail
of the moment
it ended?

Another bruise,
another stain on my heart.
In exile
and not to be trusted with it's own feelings.

I've burned too many bridges
trying to find myself,
and I'm still no closer
to an answer.

It's a question of trust.
I don't know if I can rely
on my judgement anymore.

I naively thought
that escape would be so simple
but lying here,
in the quiet of the morning,
I'm still weighing up the possibilities
of a life that seems to stand still.