Now there's too much to handle, so I'll let my mind meander,
Taking a moment to rack my brain for the kind of wisdom
That only years of failure can achieve, the kind I'm too cowardly
To allow myself to discover. Growth and peace do not come easy
In a world that slowly poisons the mind with a false sense of urgency.
I've let myself imagine what I would do with power
To rival the great gods of ancient times- simpler times,
But the gods seldom used their abilities toward benevolent ends.
Would I ruin others lives to fulfill my selfish endeavors?
Such questions echo in my head, tantamount to denying denial.
Walking under the trees reminds me of the possibility of deep sleep.
Listening to the forest whisper secrets through their branches,
Privy to all their knowledge and comforted by their strength,
I envy their solidarity and salute to their resilience, contrasting
My surrender to insomnia, depositing sand under my eyes like graves.
Feeling small makes me recall the days when I was the apple
Of my father's eye, innocently promising to never disappoint him. Now,
A disappointment-tainted smile greets me, both the Snake and the fruit.
Clinging to an empty shell of memories equally treasured and torturing,
I'm made aware that we also let down the people who never held much hope.
For a short time I thought that love grew from letting a person
Take everything I could give. Having out grown such dangerously
Low self esteem, I'm left still wondering how others are able
To sustain long term companionships of shared trust and intimacy.
I admire them from my window, for so long lonesome until recently.
I stubbornly believe that ***** and books take the cake when
Escaping from bottled up feelings too complicated to express
In coherent stanzas with the hope that one day someone will understand.
Until then, I'll dance dazed to music turned all the way up
In an attempt to blare out the ugliness of the past always pressing in.