Pressing my skin tightly,

Wrapping cold, short fingers around my edges,

My middle,

Wondering,

Waiting,

Images echoing out of my lips and

Into my ears.



“Stop doing this to yourself”,

“I can’t,

I don’t know how”.



Glass

After glass

Of water and tea,

Hopes as thin as the substances

I religiously put inside me.



Trust wearing down,

I’m stuck between two alternates,

One better than the other,



I know what my choice would be.

I gave up that choice

When I let myself go.


Started off lucky,

Never thought I’d face something like this,

At least not at 18.



I’m clutching my sides,

Staring at the space between them,

Trying to make a decision.


The decision is no longer mine,

I’m stuck until the judgment is

Finally placed.





God, help me.