I wonder
If you still read my writing
From wherever you are
Secretly hoping
That you're still the center of it
I know
You would much rather do that
Than actually talk to me
Would much rather read my words
Than hear my voice
After all
My name looks much better in poetry
Than it tastes in your mouth
And promises are easier to break
When you don't keep them close
I wonder
If you still think of me
Every night before you sleep
I wonder
If you know
That you're the reason I don't
My insomnia is too hopeful
And memory refuses to let me forget
I wonder
If you think of me
When you're holding her
If you long to know what I feel like
While you touch her
Does she know
That I almost slip off your tongue
Every time you open your mouth to speak
You kiss with confused lips
They are not sure if this
Is what you truly want
You will say her name loud enough
To drown out mine
Practice repeating I love you
Until you can say it with shut eyes
I wonder
If you see me when you close them
I wonder
If I am still in your ear
From conversation miles away
Maybe it was the bad connection
That made me want more
But you
You are still in my head
I planted you too deep and
Now I don't know how to dig you out
Rooted you in the trust I never knew
Pretended like it was something
I was used to having
I could have buried myself in it
But there is none left
And I am trying to figure out
How you are still growing without it
Still molding into optimism in my mind
I want to believe you'll come back for me
I know
That you stopped calling
For a reason
But a part of me is still believing
That it's only temporary
The only permanent thing you gave me
Was false intention
That I will use to twist into material
Into something I will write with
And I will continue to write
I can only wonder
If you
Will keep reading.