I wait for your phone call
I wait for the relieving text message where you say everything was a lie
I wait and sit and wonder
I cry until my eyes hurt
Until I can't breathe
Until everything becomes blurry behind my tears
Until I fall asleep
Until I see you again

I read our old messages
I play back old conversations in my head until I can't tell if they are real or not
I sit and picture your face, your eyes, your smile
I think of everything I did wrong
Until I hate myself
Until I regret pushing you away
Until living without you seems like a waste of time
Until I can't think of loving anyone else but you

I wait for the day I will wake up and still have you in my life
I wait for this nightmare to be over
I pray that it's a joke
I wonder if I did this to you
Until I go numb
Until I think about the last time I told you I loved you and whether or not you believed me
Until I think about the phone call when your mother told me you were dead

I wait and wait and wait
Until I see a text saying you still love me

Why did I always ignore them