Please do not give up, as long as you are alive on planet earth.
There is always a chance that God could give you a miracle.
I seen more then my fair share of them, so please keep pushing through.
Your miracle is on its way, your chance to see Gods handiwork.
Then you will say wow he really does care and love me wow.
Then your wanting to leave this world will not matter anymore.
Because then you will  have gain enough strength to persevere.
So just trust Christ and wait for that Miracle is on its way to you.
Just have Faith and trust in the Creator of the whole universe.