We walked down the lane
from my parent's cottage

it was Saturday morning
I’d got the milk
from the farm

walked across the fields
into the farm milking shed
with my green  
and cream jug

avoided the big
black farm dog
that had bitten me once

had breakfast
and was now walking
with Jane
along the narrow lane

I like that small stream
she said
pointing to the thin
strip of water
moving beside us
along the path
the sound my father says
is the water singing to God
she said

rooks called overhead
from the tall trees
other birds sang nearby
a wren flew from out
of a hedge

God is everywhere
my father says
she added

I found a wren's nest
the other month
I said

you didn't disturb it
did you?
she asked

no just looked
and counted the eggs
and studied them
for a few moments
I said

she smiled
I liked it
when she smiled
it was like Christmas morning
like an opened up present

I see you got
the cows in
from the field
yesterday afternoon
after school
she said
not bad
for a London boy

I like it
and Mr Andrews said
I’ve the making
of a cowman

there you are then
your future mapped out
she said

I don't want
a future mapped out
I said
I want it
to be a surprise

some things
have to be mapped out
she said
can't have a daily
big surprise
all the time
life can get routine
whatever we do

routine is the beginning
of dying
I said

routine is our security
she said
allows us
to feel safe

we stopped in the lane
and looked
at the flowers around us

she named a few
and the butterflies
that stopped on flowers

I looked too
as she named them
trying to remember them
looking at her finger
as it pointed out
the pinky nail
the thin finger
the small hand

when Mr Andrews asked me
what I wanted to do
after I left school
I said to be a cowman
and he said
you want to get yourself
a better job
don't get stuck
on a farm
all your life

it's what you want
Jane said
not what he says
that matters

we walked on down
the lane
her hand just inches
from mine

her grey skirt swishing
as she walked
her muddy boots
avoiding the cow pats

it's what you want
she repeated
that matters

yes I guess so
I said

I wanted to kiss her
but not saying so
just hoping
as we walked
looking for a time
maybe a place to stand
and see what happened
or just to kiss her
on the cheek suddenly
and see what she said
or did
but no
I didn't
I just walked on
thinking it wrong

she unaware
of my thoughts
listened to bird song.