Rolling out of bed, feeling kinda dead I read a note my mom left, I think.

"You're dead kid just kidding but get the dishes out the sink!"
I blink, look at Pisces, the fishes, and think "I'll have a drink."
I get a glass of water saying "What're you thinking?"
I may be superstitious in addition to grinning, 'cause that looks delicious, so much so my head goes spinning.
Grab a slice of pie 'n have a chit chat with Death,
"Man I wanna die but I can't take a breath. This **** is getting quite old now, I'm a ******* mess. I'm not even dressed yet and I'm really depressed. God please bless me or ******* lay me to rest, or dress me, I'm guessing you'll give me a vest. I've messed up so much in my life, I've made no progression. Please suggest that I've had the best and give me that vest. I'm feeling quite cold now; still feeling undressed. I go through the beta test, next up the alpha test, then way over the cuckoo's nest. What's next? A hornet's nest? Is that your ******* best? I'm unimpressed; and now I'm resisting arrest. You can't have me; I'm me not the rest! But I guess if you're still thinking about it... cardiac arrest."

I seem to go back and forth, neither coming in first
It's hard to choose when you don't know your worth.
It feels like the worst, like I could blow up or burst, right through the roof, or maybe down through the earth.