I tear apart what I can
on the outside
because I am helpless
on the inside.
I tear and tear and tear
and pull and pull and pull
it's become routine
until you see the damage.
A spot of nothing.
A patch of proof
    what insignificant detail
    to no avail
    the damage is done

ignoring the larger matter at hand
strand by strand,
until i'm surrounded by piles
of hair and pieces of my heart

I don't even notice it anymore
my hand is drawn upwards
like a paperclip to a magnet-
totally helpless
completely thoughtless


I grab and pull and yank.
until i'm perfect-
At least for a moment..
until these insecurities mount again.