The life of me may seem easy and yet...
It is not at all.
My life has more stress than I let on.
You have no idea.

When you see me with a big smile on my face,
You have no idea how hard it is
To keep up that kind of charade.
But no one seems to notice.

Everyone has their own issues.
I am living with years of stress and
Judgments. Years of lying and protecting.
Years of silent tears at night so as not to wake my family.

These years are pressing down on me.
The pain and judgment slowly catching up with me.
Every new stress is another grain of sand on the
Mountain that I already carry on my shoulders.

I am strong for a reason.
So I do not break down in the middle of class about
Something that happened five years ago.
So that I can carry on with a fake smile plastered to my face.

I am not the first to be depressed nor the last.
I am simply caught up in my own problems.
I know that I have it easy sometimes but it is hard to see that
Over the mountain of pain in my direct line of vision.

The pain can be useful.
I develop intriguing and sometimes beautiful poetry from it.
Most don't realize that that pain is real, just in another form.
The ones who see it are in a position like me.

The weight of the years on my shoulders have hardened me.
I do not care about things like I used to.
I am no longer innocent or childlike.
I am a human being with enough on her plate to choke the beautiful life
       out of several people.

I can't fix this.
I have tried and failed.
I must figure out how to live with my mountain.
But as the days, weeks, months, years go by, my mountain is growing.

I am slowly being suffocated and the biggest burden of all?
No one seems to realize it.
No one sees this mountain of pain slowly eating me alive.
People who can see it...can't do anything to help.

I am on a sinking ship and I don't know how to swim.
I know eventually it will take me under but right now
I am trying to keep my head afloat.
Day by day I sink a little lower.

To anyone that knows someone who is sinking...
For the love of god! Throw them a life jacket.
Help them in any way you can including calling them randomly
Just to check on them and listen for the lies when you know they aren't ok.

Everyone will eventually sink but one act of showing you care could
Allow them another few minutes of air.