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Jun 2014
You tell me I've grown quite cynical these last and past few spans.

I shrug off your stare, pretend not to care, and ask you your weekend plans.

What I get I fully expect: a smirk and a walking away.

I'm never surprised when you roll your eyes and ignore what I have to say.

My peace with you has ended, I feel, and strangers we've quickly become.

I realized that this was the deal when my mornings began to grow so glum.

You always get up hours before my conscious even first stirs.

I cover my head, sleep in too late, and pretend that being awake doesn't hurt.

Finally, late in the afternoon when even shades pulled cannot keep,

I get out of bed, try to level my head, and face you again after sleep.

I do not know how much longer I can laugh away your frustration.

I've made it all worse by tuning you out like an over-commercialized station.

We haven't had a screaming match in so long, I point out.

But perhaps that's bad thing...at least I knew that you still cared when you'd shout.

Night has come again already, and all I want is out.

Out of this cycle--this horrid routine--that's left me with only one route.

I watch you sleep, your glowing halo, your chest that rises and falls.

I hope you forgive the way that I end, and the mess that I leave on your walls.

That lonely rocking chair in the corner--that one you have always hated...

That's where I left this earthly plane: where love and eternity faded.

A single piece raised to my temple, cold but warm enough soon.

A squeeze, a click, a spark, it's dark; a thump in a breathless room.

Please, oh please, oh please my dear, please don't be angry with me.

I'm out oh your hair, you're free and you're rare, and there's plenty of fish in the sea.

Just know it was not a service to me--this last action done was for you.

My final thought was a prayer to the Lord that now you could be happy too.

And if what the elders say is true and if we should meet again in death.

I hope by then you have realized that yours was the taste on my dying breath.  

I once loved you, believe it or not, but one day I just forgot how:

To love or to feel emotion at all and what this whole life thing's about.

Move on my darling, forget me, and forgive me if you can.

I know you'll find somebody to love, somebody to play on the sand.

I do not love you, and I hate myself for it...for forgetting the reason to exist.

This last spark I felt, this last jolt in life came as a powder shell kiss.

At last I leave, stop heart, hurt, dreams; goodbye babe tonight and forever.

As love and eternity fades my soul, I pass through the stormy weather.
I am not now nor have I ever been suicidal...I am simply fascinated with death and wrote a story where death is involved 8^)
CP Walker
Written by
CP Walker
295
   Awesome Annie
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