Said Father Ted we have no wine
Nor have we any bread
Let us have a show of hands
For sure the lord will understand
If we go down to Malley's bar
And use some stout instead

The verger said it slipped my mind
I left the prayer books all behind
Said Father Ted well never mind
We all know Auld Lang Syne

Father didn't carry cash
Nor did the verger by his side
But still they sank a pint or three
The lord he did provide

They staggered home through the snow
Not caring if they'd sinned
The verger fell into a drift
And carved some angel wings

Father Ted went home to rest
He dreamed of water turned to wine
For sure he thought, we do our best
To muddle through our earthly time