I'm not going to write you a sappy poem about how your squeaky shoes make my heart pitter patter like raindrops when you hear them hit the asphalt outside your window pane because they don't anymore, and I think I'm finally okay with that. Meeting you was exhilarating and it reminded me of the feeling I would get before going onto a roller coaster when my stomach would churn and all sorts of butterflies would make their way from the air I breathed and snuggle into my stomach where they would stay for the whole ride. Maybe I should have known that was a sign. I can't forget the moments where you made my heart beat so fast I was convinced it would pound out of my chest because you were different and I knew this would end better, and I can't forget the times that we would joke around to the point where people thought we were dating because those moments are apart of me and I don't think I regret them anymore. My cheeks are permanently burned by the hot tears that streamed down them when we were together and when we were apart and I don't think I've ever known how to truly feel not good enough until I met you and realized that I'm not who you want but you told me I deserve better and I finally realize that I do. Summer is outside of my window now and it may not be as promising as I wanted it to be but I think it's better than the storms that would freeze my window and it's better than the white that would fall with every time I cried and the raindrops that would pour whenever you told me something new about your new love. I don't know what to do anymore and I think we're probably going to become strangers but regardless you've changed me and I don't regret that and sometimes my heart aches whenever I look at old photos or I see old text messages but I remember that you don't keep your promises and you forget half of what you say and I don't feel as bad when I think about your scent because it's just a coincidence that you have good smelling laundry detergent and squeaky shoes and would stay after with me. I was a convenience when no one else was and I don't know how we happened but we did somehow and in that time frame I managed to slip harder than I ever have before but I'm on my hands again and I'm working my way up to just my feet. Maybe you won't be there to walk by my side, and I think I'm finally okay with that. Maybe my heart will roar like thunder when I see your face again in two months but maybe it will roar for someone else in those two months and will forget the melody it used to beat for you. I used to be torn apart by missing a message from you and I thought I would be physically sick and my knees grew weak when I thought I messed up and all I wanted to do was listen to sad music to the point where my bed remembered the shape of my body, but now I'm happy we don't talk nearly as much, because it's helping me realize I don't need you as much as I thought I did.

I think I'm finally okay.