i have a secret
number
for you
and him
and him
and they take the place
of your name

my heart
doesn't break
so much
describing
a cruel number
a missing number
a strange number

it doesn't
race
so much
capturing the light
behind the eyes
blue
brown
and brown

so i'll keep
pressing
the imprints
of my fingerprints
on the keypads
of calculators
to write poetry
(even though
i can't stand
math as much
as words)