the nights i lay awake
far past the hour society has began to sleep
i imagine the look on her face
when you first brought her to your room.
when she first saw my name carved to your bed frame
how'd that conversation carry?
did it weigh down the air in the room
forming a burden on your back,
how'd it end?
did you tell her you fell out of love with me,
did you lie and say “i didn’t write that.”
did it make you miss me,
did your heart drop to your stomach at the thought of
love once lost and did
your head ache with the thought i could move on,
i know it did.
you were driven crazy past the title of insecurity
to the point of hiding how you felt, now
you're a blur. but i could still
rewrite your atoms better than any
fragment of the bible, and every 9th day of every month
i look for you, for what you were.
the scar on my left arm from your cigarette burn
tells more stories than any novel ever could.
the letters you wrote me, did she see those too?
and tell me, what raced through your mind.
was it her?
these are the things i’d like to ask you, but
yes i’m guilty of letting fear stop me.
the fear of those five words that could stop a heart beat
and implode a building,
that could tear open the scars on my heart and
run my mind straight into the brick wall i’m staring at,
“i don’t love you anymore”