To me there is no better night
Than the dimming of the lights
And tuning into American Idol on my T.V.

Tonight's no different to tell the truth
As they give another loser the boot
When I noticed something strange in how Ryan Seacrest blinked

Mr. Pretty Boy was blinking in Morris code
Right underneath America's nose
He was passing off top governmental secrets

So his front has all along been a lie
Ryan Seacrest, international spy
Don't know why before I didn't see this

He uses that cute little baby face
And day old beard to hide his disgrace
As he obviously communicates with the underworld

From one side of the globe to another
Talking in code with his Rooski brothers
Why this just gets my patriotic ******* in a curl

Just when you think you know someone
They go and pull this traitor stunt
I suppose now your going to tell me Mom doesn't bake her own apple pies

Then I find out it's some imposter named Mrs. Smith
I'm not sure I can take much more of this
Who next will I catch living a lie

Then I see Ryan run off stage
With the strangest of looks on his face
Seems all along there was stardust in his eyes

Funny it wasn't Morris code
Who's embarrassed now...me I suppose
Ryan Seacrest international spy?
Uh...nevermind