All this time I keep trying to find myself...
Still stuck and lost.
So I end up wearing this mask...
Pretending that I don't even try anymore...

But to be honest...
It's still horrible....
I guess I'm the problem....
never been family, friends or people...
I'm probably strong enough to not get affected by those above...

But...

I still feel lost.
I still feel faithless.
I still feel suffocated.
I still feel afraid.

I just seem like I don't anymore...
but I'm still scared of the dark.

It's just that...
I'm scared if I probe too much,
I'd get punished.
I'm scared if I peeked too far,
I'd get dragged down, again.

Darkness is scary....
you get pulled down into it.
It's one endless pit,
you only fall...
fall... and fall.

Then splashing black paint,
scribbling till the pencil broke...
nothing helps either.

Reading...
Watching movies....
Well I could run away for a little while...
Then when the stories end,
I feel crazier than before.

" What am I doing with my life? "
"Who the **** am I? "

I don't even know what I'm saying because
It's so **** hard to explain....
It's like how sometimes...
You just can't put pictures into words....

It's just a confession...
at 3:45 a.m.

— c.s wondering