In some world
it could almost be funny
that you're this idea
I've been stuck on
but really
you were the first
soul that I ever
found truth in

you saw me
(you promised
you'd never let me
run away)

and I keep avoiding
face to face
because
these awful sobs
get caught in my throat
and I can't know what
god awful noise will escape
in place of "hello"

(I ******* swear
I've moved on)

I haven't heard
your voice in
10 months
(except for
in my head
in my dreams
and
in a voicemail
that you told me
"always")

I am new

but
every ******* word
is still true
and I refuse
to let my
sinking chest
make a lie
out of you