How have I been concious this whole time
I've been driving but I don't remember it, caffeinated eyes, too much on my mind
It was better when my thoughts were more closely knit
When I wouldn't lose myself and I could just throw a fit

Those were the days before the days of death and decay, maybe even back when I would pray
But I don't believe in Jesus or his dad
See he's been dead for a while now, "my bad"
Otherwise he would have intervened, unless he got mad
His omnipotent chi, is turning into an omnipotency, if a consciousness can create everything then why can't I if I can see
I am god, can't you see the light I give off when I allow you to breathe?

Must not be, because my whole life's been a fight
I guess I better pull over and wrong all my rights
Maybe it would have changed my course in life, wouldn't that have been a sight?

If God needs them up there, then I must not need them in my life
Sorry Gary, I'm so selfish for wanting you here
I know you were in pain, and you were in fear
Just miss the talks we used to have over a couple of beers (queer)

I remeber the call like it was yesterday
Your daughter, my bestfriend since my freshman year, called me with tears on her mind, calm and uncollected with shock running through her like her heart monitor couldn't find the rhyme

I said what's wrong and she told me to sit down, she told me you took your life and I couldn't even wrap my head around the idea, you, gone, how did he do it, did he drown?! You wouldn't, you never, you didn't. I replied you're kidding me right, and she didn't respond, and you were.. you weren't there, I know you had gang green man, but you just quit the fight? How do I explain that feeling man, I can't even vent if I can't decode my own speechless rant.

It left your wife heaving, I listened to it every night. Your son will never forget the morning he walked in on your body and couldn't even fathom your death when he never saw you leaving

And Brittany, she loved you, there's  nothing more in life she wanted then to see you when she graduated from basic

I'll never forget the night I helped your son Andrew carry that chair down the stairs with his hands trembling from the thought of it, he'd seen so much blood he'd rather see in gray, and I played it cool because I loved them just like I love you, and the saddest part is for some sick reason I forgive you.

Life is fragile, they tell you about that when you're little, but you never really realize that till it's found you
Like the world shattered into something more real, and it's coming to find and drown you