i was just somewhere,
  i swear!
i almost remember,
  and i think there i cared...

today gives way
  tomorrow fading into being
but what perspective does it give
  which will help me love to live?

from reveller
  to mere traveller,
    fearful of the future
    further along the same circle
    & the skein i spin within

inside & outside
  are copious quantities of chaos
    & i just a “lost” they toss

i try to feel, find or force focus
    personal   emotional
    intellectual   existential
    internal   external
  but then the things i see
   sting with the stain of negativity

pathetic pessimist i be
  underwhelmed by myself
my glass not simply half-empty
  but banished broken on the shelf

whiny little ******,
  or rather non-******,
my only sublime
  another tired rhyme

i find fine & fun with friends,
  but when they're gone it ends.
i'm all dependence upon their outside
  to influence my gone-bare inside

without their temporary infusion
  i return to my self-intrusion
    to kiss & curse the chaos
      and claim i carry a cross

the myriad meanderings of my melancholy madness
  lead me mostly inbetween depression & sadness.
so when alone is what's known,
  i nest in a node of numbness,
    request substances define my self's substance,
      provide my soul's sole sustenance

And in that distortion of view,
  i redefine true
    replace peace with painless
      and happiness with highness

but I was just somewhere,
  I swear!
and while I remember some grief,
  I still feel all of that belief...