couldn’t sleep so I went out for a cigarette; contemplated the true meaning of being lonely

and it’s something to do with being just good enough for everybody around you, but never good enough for yourself.

something to do with wanting to regret a touch, a feeling, a smile. being too scared to accept a lapse in judgement.

being too self aware to just let it happen

my fingers went numb while I smoked and thought it over. the best revenge is never taking it. And the worse curse is a slow curse.

I hope you never have to end up this lonely.