Since then, I've been better.
Looking back now
I realize just how sad I made myself.
I should have been letting them in
I should have been trying to be happy.
But I realize now that I wanted to feel sad.
Feeling sad, it was my poor excuse at a now.
I wanted to be something, so I became a monster.
Only it was too late that I realized I always have been.
Now that I'm letting them in,
I feel happy.
I feel slightly less lonely.
Slightly
There are still those days,
when too many things are running through my head.
All I can think is, "get your razor."
And I'll wait, until it's dark in my room,
until the sun has gone down.
It doesn't happen as much anymore.
They help......my friends.
Friends that I was keeping at a distance before,
Afraid that they'd leave as soon as I let them in.
But they're still here, they're still the same.
Only now there's less hurt.
Before it was hurt, witty words and playful fists.
Empty threats and I hate you's.
Now we have more hugs,
because I finally hugged back.
And she was so surprised.
Now he smiles at me, and I feel butterflies.
But I also feel shame.
Because he used to belong to her.
Even before he did.
They were best friends for years, she'd loved him....
Does she Love him still?
Do I?
Because naturally, as soon as one problem is resolved,
Another must come.