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Apr 2014
I think about the end a lot, and there are just a whole bunch of messed up thoughts swirling around in my head, and I cannot contain them for long. My thoughts are stars that I cannot fathom into constellations.

They’d be swimming in the endless pool of my own brain fluid, but then again, no one really knows why brain fluid is called brain fluid. No one explained the origin of words, meaning and even of what I am writing right now. How is it that you comprehend whatever I am trying to put across in this form? I know our brains process the information it receives by sound waves or visual waves and then turns it into something we call understanding and knowledge. No one understands the world out of sciencey terms and things that are found on textbooks, and I don’t either.

I live alright without acknowledging the existence of an unknown deity who is presumed to account for everything that happens on this earth, and really I don’t even know how people came to the conclusion of putting themselves below gods. It is confusing you see, and sometimes I also wonder why anything with eggs is considered breakfast only.

The thing is, we pretend to understand what we are trying to comprehend, and then we turn this information that we assume into knowledge for others, in hope that the human species can now fully determine the reason for everything.

In actual fact, no one knows why anything happens.

There are many theories behind death and whether or not anything happens after that.

Some say that a person’s soul is ****** out of them by the higher-ups when they are brought to Judgment – the area between heaven and hell.

I don’t know anything about death and dying cells, I only know that you have left me, and the body I once embraced is now lying ten feet beneath the earth in a wooden case, still as a rock. Why has this happened, Augustus? Tell me why. I stand here, a little ways from what used to be you, and I wonder so much and so far about the future and everything that ever was you. You’ve left me for capital S somewhere and I don’t want this to be, but it is.

I miss you, Augustus Waters, and everything that ever was and ever will be you. I miss the kisses we shared and our trip to Amsterdam and our first meeting… Every memory that we have ever beheld is in my mind all the time and I keep second-guessing myself, asking whether you’ve really left or you’re still here, but just hiding.

Come out of the shadows that hide you and please reveal yourself, for I miss you so.

I want you to say you’re okay, and maybe okay will be our always.

a TFIOS spinoff! This is inspired after I just read the book (finally) and also this makes lots of references to it :)
addy r
Written by
addy r  SC
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