We were soldiers in our own war. Fighting every day to stay alive. And Despite all odds,
Despite the casualties,
Despite living a life knowing we shouldn't survive,
We did.

Now we're each a reminder to the other of the horrors we faced. Things you can't un-see. Moments you can't un-live.

I wonder if you can look at me,
Really see me now and not then.

Were it not for our service together,
I'd be a different person.
I know that.
Perhaps no better or worse.
Still seeping rage- transposed to longing.
And the absolute lucidity that this life I've made for myself is broken.
Despite my need for un-brokenness.

It's all enough to throw me back into the arms of war. Comforted by the warm tenacity of survival.
The relief of contemplating a singular goal.
And the knowledge that there truly is nothing else out there for me.

But, for today, I resist the call
Yet leave my rifle half cocked, at the ready.
For tomorrow may be different when it comes.