I have been throwing my self away
Been too selfish to look the other way.
I had myself going for too long
I was breathing in thin air.
Its more of a recovery of what I am within,
My mind choosing sides in a war that is yet to begin.
Dousing my body with the sacred oil
Light my being on fire and clear the ashes of disgrace
You were too kind but I guess that didn't last
What have I done that I can't even recognize my face?
I look in the mirror searching my soul
And all I see is a stranger my existence upholds.
I see you standing so far and forlorn
Did I push you away in the process of trying to find my way?
I feel so ripped apart and I bleed out self pity
In ways I cannot seem to restrain.
Words don't seem to have the same effect
Maybe because of the wounds I inflict.
Give me a reason for why I should stay
Because clearly it won't make a difference either way .
I am falling into an abyss,
My thoughts have turned into pain.
That self esteem I deemed so high,
Has me cowering like a fool who couldn't make it to the prize.
Dont leave me yet
I'm still a mess.
I'm done with my lies
I swear I'll try to change.
I haven't found me yet
But I'm sure I will one day.