jeremy
can't go to the bath room
he'll get to go soon
but he wants to stick it out
to impress his new girlfriend
they're having a contest
what the hell

jeremy
is getting uncomfortable
he seeks those public stalls
but he has to stick it out
to show his girlfriend
his high school touchdown

I'm not tryna say
jeremy had a bad touchdown
no way it was great
it'll turn up anyone's frown
but he's no less a fool
jeremy get your head back in the game

jeremy
and his quiet agony
will sit in purgatory
waiting for their next step up
what will become of you
old jeremy

jeremy
you're going to explode now
your guts went everywhere
that's how you feel inside your head
jesus Christ jeremy
go to the restroom

I don't think your girlfriend
cares if you leave for one minute
she doesn't want you to end
just so you can show her your trinkets
really that's a poor decision
come on

"excuse me babe I have to use it"
is that how you say it jeremy?
did you forget this was a contest?
did you forget what would happen
if you lost?

everyone is laughing
at ****** jeremy
he can't even do anything
even hold in his ***
god what an *******
you should go home nerd!!!!

oh my god, now he's bagged up
he's confused and ****
then he remembers the contest
"LOSER becomes garbage forever"
he accepts this gladly

jeremy, oh sweet young jeremy
you were human for such a short time
not long enough by any means
I'm sorry you had to become trash
this song goes out to you
a ballad of your phreshness
you'll be the freshest piece of trash in the whole ******* dump
goodbye jeremy
we wont forget you