My therapist says i need to be honest
i need to tell everyone the truth
about how i feel
what goes through my mind.

im so lonely and distant
and the only way to get close
is to be honest.
but i cant
im not sure why i cant

i cant tell him how im dying inside
i smile and blow a kiss
but i have killed myself a thousand times
in my mind

"surface relationships"
thats what she calls them
doctor know it all
doctor get inside my head
doctor please fix me

maybe im just a freak
she tells me not to say that
but the idea of letting someone see  my pain
is so terrifying

anyone whose seen me bleed
tried to stitch me up
stop the gore
or brush me off

and i cant do it again
i cant get close
once i do
they disappear
even if they didnt want to
they were gone

and sometimes im the one who leaves
i dont know why that is either
because im just a freak

i bat my lashes
and put on my red lipstick
smile and laugh
like a babbling idiot
when all i want to do is die
and i dont know why