i am uncomfortable in my own skin
i am equally full of restless energy
and void of any feeling at all
i think i know why i'm like this but
there's no way for this to be fixed
no way for me to be fixed i want
to live
in a field of flowers
alone with only
the dirt the sky the feeling of actual earth

sometimes i think i'm okay again but then
everything comes crashing down around me
and i think i'd be okay again
if i didn't exist if
i never existed if
the world had just skipped over me and
i would never have had to become so
utterly acquainted with this heartache
and nostalgia for something i've never even had

i write these words in this format because
they're constantly whispered in my mind
and in my soul
and it's a neverending torrent of
thoughts emotions desires
there is no time for a comma
no time for a period
time cannot be returned to me
i can feel myself fading