i’ve been waking up in a cold sweat lately from dreams that are heavy, complex and physically pin me down by my aching lungs. i will lie in the tangles of my sheets trying to catch my breath and re-trace the dreams, desperately trying to hold onto that feeling of being so alive and apart of something bigger than you and i combined. it’s much like trying to chase a shadow in an evening sunset and without fail all i can remember are you and me, on the brink of sacrificing our lives for the good of others. i don’t know who you are and i can never make out the features of your face but i can still feel the warm calluses of your palms against my own, the scratch of your fingernails on my scalp as you would run your fingers through my hair, the roughness of your trench coat whipping across my ankles as you would walk beside me, and the tight grip of your arms across my chest as you would pull me out of harm’s way. i feel as if you’ve been haunting me for years now and i’m tired of mistaking you for the men who show up in my life with similar features but only end up taking me apart piece by piece.

16 march, 2014