I feel guilty. All the time, for everything. I don't know how to be normal. I think I feel too much. My heart beat has gotten louder and I hear it even in a loud room. It scares me because I don't know what I feel for. Or who I feel for. I didn't know sad people could feel so much. I mostly thought I was alone. Empty. But with such a strong heart then there must be something else, I think. If it's so loud, if it's so strong why am I so vulnerable but not only vulnerable but prone to pain. Shouldn't I be able to withstand myself and pain. I become sad. I confuse myself and contradict myself and then I feel stupid. I don't want to feel stupid I want to be smart. Not a fool, then I begin to worry. What can a fool with such a loud heart do. Nothing. A fool, one as vulnerable as me can be tricked so easily. It's quite embarassing. I'm embarrassed of myself and who I am. It shouldn't be like this. Why can't I be as confident in myself as other people. They know who they are. They know what they want to do. They are making changes in this world and going places. And me? I'm here talking like a fool about having a big, loud beating heart.