a fistful of what i want to say
but not even a pinch of courage

****, there's so much that you need to know
but my mind kept on screaming,
"a word comes out and you're going to regret life"

three days later
i come to see you, just to tell you
how much i've dreamt about you
but all i said was
"hey darling, how have you been?"

you said you've been good,
that's a good thing, right?
but tell me
what about the look on your face when i said i was going to leave
on that day?

what about the times i've said hey, cheer up
life doesn't end here and now, you know that right?
you smiled but that look
was as opaque as the clouds above

what about when i said i loved you for the first time?
you smiled like the first time you heard the singing voice of mine
but at the end of the day, that look
that look took over my mind for the rest of the night

the time when i first kissed your bruised hand
what about that time?
the same look was plastered on your beautiful face
and i thought
"****, this girl doesn't love me no more"

but nothing was mentioned
you never asked for a break
you never said you were tired
but that look
never left my mind.

and now it is back
i believe, for the last time
for once and for all
can you please explain
if and why
that look of yours
is going to be
a permanent residence in my mind?

y.m